shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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