Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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