I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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