Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
