and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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