why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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