I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
