What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
