Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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