dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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