Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
