Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
