its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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