I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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