Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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