I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize