Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i now understand why vodka
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.