I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
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