honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
