You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
