Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The power of my boobs compel you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
