have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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