I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize