I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
