Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
