You work out of a Hotel?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
