I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
