he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
