I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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