maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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