My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
