my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
