i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
