I wanna passion pit in your ass
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
