I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
