yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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