If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
