So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
