somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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