Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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