Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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