I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
