So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The power of my boobs compel you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.