check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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