I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your shirt... Was in my pants