DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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