If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.