I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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