Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
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She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.