my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis