i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!