member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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