Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
