do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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