I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize