After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
