bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
