Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
