she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
