I skipped work to stalk him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
