i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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