i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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