I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
