a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
