Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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