the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
