I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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