@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
