you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
