6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
