i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
