I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
