Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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