I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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