walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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