I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh god it's open bar.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
