my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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