this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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