so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
