I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
