he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
