Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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