Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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