Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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