My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize