thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
