It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
