nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
