false alarm. still invincible.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
