five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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