Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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