drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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