You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
