i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
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That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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