I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
